the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
