when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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