thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
