I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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