I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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