just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
