she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
