I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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