...so i touched it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
