matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
