It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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