I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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