quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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