Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she told me i tasted like america
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
