he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have surprise drugs for everyone
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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