Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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