Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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