How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
