ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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