I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize