i always forget guys have bellybuttons
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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