I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
