I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
