We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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