Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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