I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
