getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
