I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
