she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
