I will die if light touches me.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
