The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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