I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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