I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
