the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
