if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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