I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
