My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
