Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Panties = found
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