I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
