i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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