we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
