East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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