If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
