Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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