Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
God, I missed his penis.
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