because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
