dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
