i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
