P.S. I can't hear my feet
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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