Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
a search helicopter?!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
