I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
