Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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