Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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