My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
