You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
