Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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