I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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