We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why is there bacon in the couch?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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