This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
