When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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