vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize