Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My life is pants optional.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
