I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
