oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Come share oat with me in your robe
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
