PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
