im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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