wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
