i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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