HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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