Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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