Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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