when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
