There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
