i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You ruined the universe
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
