And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
