my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize