I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
